Coaching Listening Techniques
Being authentic—both to oneself and to the client—is the key to successful coaching. It’s all about having an honest connection and communicating in a nonjudgmental manner. It all begins with the coach emptying himself of himself at his core.
Listening is an art; it’s not just about letting things flow passively through the ears. “Everything in coaching rests on listening… Listening, therefore, is the doorway through which all the coaching passes.”1 Instead, it’s a dynamic interaction between the coach and his client during which the latter actively listens at Level II, focused listening (listen to hear), taking in all the information being communicated as well as the coachee’s answer. The coach may often transition to listening at Level III, global listening (listen to comprehend), when he opens the door to intuition, observing not only the words but also the coach’s surroundings in general and perceiving signs in addition to the words.
A skilled listener reads between the lines, reserving thought, paying close attention to what is being said, and being fully aware of the significance of nonverbal cues as well. There is a voice that speaks without words, as Jalal El Din El Rumi said: “Listen.”
As coaches, we should improve our listening abilities. For us to experience things as they really are, it is crucial that we give the situation our whole attention, be willing to empty ourselves, and be fully present. It’s like being seated next to our coach and seeing the world via their perspective. They are engaged, open, in a comfortable frame of mind, flexible, and aware of any changes in their condition. In this sense, coaching sessions are beneficial because they help us become less judgemental in real life.
“Listening without passing judgment entails listening to comprehend. It entails setting aside your own beliefs and ideas and using caution while listening to others so as not to judge or condemn them. It entails embracing them for who they are as a person and the issues they are facing.
One of the four foundations of coaching is to be judgment-free. A coach should utilize both their eyes and hearing when listening in order to be an objective and successful listener.
Effective listening is based on 10 concepts, including the following:
Quit chatting; instead, pay attention. “If we were intended to speak more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear,” stated Mark Twain once.
Relax and meditate to be ready to listen.
Make the speaker feel at comfortable so they may talk freely
Shun distractions and pay attention to what is being stated.
Empathize: Make an effort to comprehend the viewpoint of another
Be patient; even a lengthy gap does not signify the speaker has done speaking.
Avoid having personal biases; strive to remain objective and resist being upset by what the speaker is really saying.
Pay attention to the tone; both loudness and tone enhance what is being said.
Get the whole picture instead of just a few isolated details by listening for ideas rather than simply words.
Keep an eye out for nonverbal cues like gestures and facial expressions, etc.3
The client would then be able (if willing) to open up and share more, be more at ease, and openly express their thoughts, ideas, and feelings after the coach has established this healthy atmosphere.
Our core coaching practice should be free of our own life experiences, beliefs, and values as well as any opinion about the coachee in question if we, as coaches, are in this equation to help others, empower them to believe in themselves, assist them in looking forward to change, and facilitate their growth and self-awareness.
In order to help the client bring out their best self, which is the key to development, success, pleasure, and satisfaction, coaching aims to increase awareness in the client. It never involves rating the coach or contrasting their values, convictions, or viewpoints with our own. It is never about us; it is always about them. Being impartial during a coaching session is thus simply self-management. It is the capacity to fully comprehend the person in front of us and accept them in their whole, including with all of the burdens they are carrying from their past and current experiences. Even when their values and opinions often diverge from ours or from what is seen as morally upright or even socially acceptable, we should make an effort to maintain objectivity and neutrality. The first thing we must give them is our empathy; only then will they be willing to let us in.
As humans, our brains are continually and instinctively predisposed to making judgments about the people, places, and things around us, categorizing them as good or evil, right or wrong, significant or not, true or false, valid or false, helpful or not, and so on and so forth.
A coach must always bring a non-judgmental awareness to the coaching session; the more cognizant and conscious we are of making snap judgments and so judging, the simpler it is to avoid doing so.
Avoiding any form of blame or criticism, avoiding presumption, and avoiding any type of auditory or visual impressions about how they sound and look, how they talk, how they are dressed, etc. are all examples of non-judgmental communication. A judgmental approach is harmful because it puts the client on edge, puts them in a defensive mode, and causes them to close off on further conversations because they may feel misunderstood. It prevents individuals from moving ahead, hinders their personal growth, and deters them from advancing and taking charge. As a result, this will undoubtedly poison the continuation of a positive and fruitful relationship and may eventually put it to an end.
According to Mehrabian and Weiner (1967), communication consists of around 7% spoken words, 38% pitch and tone of voice, and 55% body language, therefore non-verbal indicators by themselves might suggest a critical viewpoint. The way we listen to our clients—with our arms crossed, our eyes darting around—will make them feel as if we’re passing judgment. The tone of one’s voice may also convey judgment. The same words might be perceived differently depending on how they are said.
“Zen Habits inventor Leo Babauta has discovered a non-judgmental communication technique he has named DUAL. the following four steps:
Don’t Pass Judgment — The first phase is investigating your own mental processes and growing in self-awareness. Make a note of any instances of rash judgment you have over the course of a few days, along with the circumstances that led to them. This will make it easier for you to see it when it occurs and stop making judgments.
Understand – Put yourself in the other person’s position and strive to be empathic. So that you may completely comprehend their thoughts and behaviors, ask questions and learn more about their background.
Accept – This might be difficult, but it’s crucial to acknowledge that others believe differently than you do, often as a result of having different life experiences. It’s alright if their values differ from yours.
Try to embrace the idea that everyone else is approaching things differently than you are if you can realize that it is true. Pay attention to the value that results from each individual’s own viewpoint.
Choosing who to coach and who not to coach is an appropriate type of judgment, even if coaches have the liberty to choose their clients. Being a great coach makes it possible to connect with any client, but it is much more effective to focus on the coachee when the coach is relaxed and at ease during the session rather than attempting to establish a rapport in order to get the most out of it; when a coach is at ease, clients are more likely to cooperate and achieve better results. A coach who has a client that complements them may be much more effective in advancing their coach’s pursuit of their intended objectives since their interaction will be easy and natural.
Making the appropriate judgements, then, may give a failing coaching practice the kiss of life while being nonjudgmental can be the kiss of death to your coaching practice.
To sum up, a judgemental attitude fosters division rather than togetherness. In order to bring out the best in the coach, guide them toward their goals and ambitions, and ensure that they are in accordance with their own views and values, coaches are asked to arrive at coaching sessions with one primary purpose in mind. This can only be accomplished by a coach who is calm, at peace, devoid of bias, ideas, emotions, thoughts, or experiences, able to genuinely listen without participating in self-talk, and who avoids forcing change while instead creating space for it to occur.
When a coach is fully present, they stop passing judgment and enable their client to reason, feel, open up, explore their alternatives, and come up with their own solutions that lead to transformation and a clear, well-defined, and succinct action plan to reach their objectives.
In addition to helping us better understand ourselves and our coachee, listening to them at the right level helps them feel heard, understood, and, as a result, unjudged. This is a strong foundation for a successful connection that won’t be derailed.